i saw you pulling away but i wasn’t sure what to do. it drives me nuts because im not feeling the love and neither are you but i love you so much and tried to show you every way i can and pretended it was all alright. you were pretending too huh? i got really upset and just felt so hurt and the pain was just painful inside of me that my head hitting the wall as i sit on the floor hurts so good. i’m feeling the hurt. i never want to hurt you but i just can’t do shit try and i want to hurt me. why am i always losing people. why are you falling out of love, why don’t you touch me anymore until sometimes sex. i miss you. i want you back. let me be the ass you take videos of and watch in your free time. love me enough. but if you choice to walk away from me just know i will still love you. it will hurt but i will support it and still love you always. the one who got away.
i grew up with somebody always being in my bubble. thought we were close in each others bubble. but really that was your bubble and this is mine. now if you don’t mind turn around and walk the other way. i don’t dig too deep, i don’t just poke at you. i simply just waiting to know anything and everything that went on with our lives and live each moment together even while we were away. i missed you when i drove to my friend in arkansas one time and stayed the night- i missed you so so sooo bad. i just wanted to be home and sitting on your enjoying life bc you’re finally off. but i drove back bright and early the next day and hugged you and just missed you. never forget wanted to sleep over anywhere else any other day. we were okay. we were watched a show and you got this uncomfortable look / feeling and i wasn’t completely sure why. he went to lay down and i stayed looking for food because you were hungry and that made you feel upset. but then i walked in and joined you and you just hugged me- wasn’t sure what happened. that’s okay you asked to hit my pen and i put it to charge for you. we went back out and finish ordering the food and just sat together. turned on a show ate, hit the pen, changed the show. you then slept on me on the couch and i did everything in my might to not move. stay still. let you rest. i passed out we woke up and went to bed. that was your last day off. after already having no days off. life went back to normal and i missed you and i missed you and i would catch an attitude, my bad. but not all the time. most of the other time just being dumb just saying things here and there. then you stop being excited to come home to me- lot changed for me this past month. i was depressed. i was sad. i loved the job i quit but they beat me and made me feel not appreciated so i left. i was catching colds and waiting for you to come home, brought our puppy home awhile ago and we love her to pieces- but she’s my responsibility when she was also yours? it was like you were annoyed with her around the longer she stayed with us. told you to play with her and she bites toes and you just want her to chill but she’s so excited to see you she just wanted that attention for a second. the touch the love. then go do yo thing.
i’m sorry you always have the volume high and your ring on. it was 5-6 in the morning and asked you who you were texting this early because you were typing crazy. “just responding to my friend, mom” or simply turning off your ringer so i don’t hear all of the clicks in the early morning as i paint on bagels so we can leave right then. did that pull you away more?
you never wanted to tell me more - you wanted to keep things to yourself so when i saw how you texted your bestfriend “babe” “bebe” or whatever. and that you send her money whenever she pleases and you even tell me to send it to her through my account and you’ll pay me and don’t want to give an explanation. was i too much because i asked why? is it not normal to be the only one my man calls babe bebe anything. you do tell me how she states that she’s in love with you and you dissed her many years ago.. knowing how she feels as you feel what you say to her. is that what pulled you further away? come to find out you went through my phone too. my bestfriend texted me too- asking what i’m up too. lil buddy at work tells you my bestfriend has confessed his feelings for me. and you felt upset but? i was the overreacting one asking about you? we’ve been friends for over a decade. your friend is close too that timing i assume. i don’t speak to him calling him babe bebe. he’s asking what’s up- then follows up to ask if “your better half and you and my better half and me go out on a date on thursday?” you say no right away. i quietly say to you to think about it. one day wouldn’t you want me to meet your bestfriend and be cool? just think about it don’t say no now. did all of that pull us future away?
there is a lot of mix - but if i were to say it makes me uncomfortable when you watch videos / pictures of straight ass and women in front of me. is that a big deal? it doesn’t make me feel insecure until it does. thought we “fixed it” but the reassurance wasn’t there. then the love touch wasn’t there- did you think i looked beautiful? or was that not on your mind at the moment. did you love dinner? how about a hug and shown appreciation. yes i’m over thinking but i need comfort but at a certain point i wasn’t sure if you even cared about being close and just being there together but were you distant because it was the fact i pointed out it made me uncomfortable when you’re watching beautiful women undressed while you’re sitting next to me? it’s been building up since then. you hid your phone from me and got up while we were looking at your phone cuddled up as you go look for the movie your liked / favorited earlier. you jump up and walk into the kitchen and continue to search for the video. after seeing the same shit. it made me sad that you left instead of just staying there and being like “i didn’t know that was there” or whatever. naked beautiful women. i already saw it- don’t be weird about it and make me feel like i don’t know what’s going on. when the towel was hung up that i didn’t recognize in my spot i was very confused- i had no reassurance i got 3 different stories. i don’t know, how did it get there to it was on the floor i put it away. why couldn’t you just say that. you acted so suspicious- if you just got it dirty because you jacked off or something earlier who cares, just answer the question- of course it confuses me if i see something odd. makes me think im crazy bc there wasn’t an answer.
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